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Four Clans Forest Talk Show-A Scandal in the Forest
Contains some violence, and extreme bizarre violations of physics and continuity. WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE POWER OF THREE SERIES AND THE FOURTH APPRENTICE FOUR CLANS FOREST TALK SHOW (With your host, Darkfire) Darkfire: Hello, and welcome to Four Clans Forest Talk, the only talk show in the forest for all your clan news. (Stagehand whispers something into his ear) Darkfire: I have just been told we are, in fact, the only radio talk show in the forest. Darkfire: Today on FCF we have six guests: Brambleclaw, Squirrelflight, Leafpool, Crowfeather, Jayfeather, and Lionblaze. Hollyleaf was unavailable for comment. Brambleclaw: Hello. Squirrelflight: I LIKE SHINY THINGS!!! Leafpool: Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?: Crowfeather: Go. Away. Now. Jayfeather: I see your dreams. Lionblaze: I AM KING OF THE FOREST! BOW DOWN! Darkfire: What do you have to say about this recent revelation? Brambleclaw: I think this can be worked out sensibly if we just calm down and- Squirrelflight: SHINY! Leafpool: (Leaves) Crowfeather: (Leaves) Jayfeather: Do I care? Lionblaze: STILL KING OF THE FOREST HERE! Darkfire: Never mind. Next question: Who killed Ashfur? Brambleclaw: (Shrugs) Squirrelflight: Soooooo SHINY! Leafpool: (Still gone) Crowfeather: (Still gone) Jayfeather: Hollyleaf. Lionblaze: MEEEE! I’M KING OF THE FOREST! MEEEEEE! LOOK AT ME!!! Hobofur: Cherries! All: (Stare) Hobofur: I’ll just… leave then… (slinks away) Darkfire: After that… um… blatant disregard for continuity, physics, and plotline…. our next question is: Why didn’t Firestar show up? Firestar: (entering) I’m here! I was just making my pelt MORE SHINY. Which is IMPOSSIBLE. Squirrelflight: Shiny? Firestar: (nodding) My fur is so shiny and- Squirrelflight: (jumping on Firestar) SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINY!!!! I MUST HAVE THE SHINIES! Firestar: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (runs away with Squirrelflight attached) Lionblaze: A FIGHT? In my forest? ATTACK, NUNS OF ANTIOCH! (Runs after Firestar and Squirrelflight) Jayfeather: Would you look at that. OF course, StarClan told me this would happen ages ago. Brambleclaw: Does this mean I am… leader? (A banner appears that says: BRAMBLESTAR W00T!) Firestar: (Running past) Squirrelflight has only take one life so far! I’ve got (counts on paws before realizing that he doesn’t have opposable digits) two left! Erin Hunter: As far as you know. (Firestar dies) Darkfire: That was incredibly anti-climactic. Brambleclaw: I am Bramblestar now! Bramblestar: Now, ThunderClan! Go eat food! Leafpool: (re-appearing). Yay for food! Crowfeather: (fails to re-appear) Jayfeather: Mice. I eat them. In your dreams. Lionblaze: (running back into the room) King of the forest. Still. King. Of. The. Forest. Bramblestar: Now ThunderClan: DANCE! (Disco ball descends from the ceiling slowly) Squirrelflight: SHINY! Bramblestar: Yes, Squirrelflight. Shiny. By the way, you are now deputy! Squirrelflight: (Slices Bramblestar’s neck open) Squirrelstar: Yay for shiny. ThunderClan (Except for Jayfeather, Leafpool, and Lionblaze): YAY FOR SHINY! Squirrelstar: YOU! Random cat that may or may not be from ThunderClan! You are deputy! (Lionblaze drops a rock on Squirrelstar, killing her nine times.) Lionblaze: Who’s the new leader? Hobostar: Cherries! ThunderClan (Except for Cloudtail, Brightheart, Leafpool, Jayfeather, and Lionblaze): CHERRIES! CHERRIES! Lionblaze: (Kills Hobostar) I think I should be leader. Cloudtail: No, he’s far too qualified. Lionblaze: That doesn’t seem like grounds for- Firestar: I’m back. Darkfire: I really don’t care how impossible that is. (Suddenly, Firestar lights everything on fire. Somehow.) Cloudtail: I DON’T LIKE FIRE! Bluestar: Fire? Yellowfang: AAAAAA! (Runs away) Darkfire: Ummmm, let’s end the show while we flee the studio! We’ll see you again soon if we can fix our studio! BYE!